Quick, the baby's sleeping! What do I do?

My honey is two weeks, 1 hour and 17 minutes old right now.
And wow, these weeks have been a learning experience for me!

One of the things I did as an expectant mom was READ. Constantly. I surfed all the baby websites, read tons of forums, kept updated on how my child was developing, researched and wrote out my birth plan...I made sure I was mentally prepared for the birth of my child.
Ironically, I should have spent a bit more time researching what to do with a newborn once the birth is over!!!
For example, I barely glanced at the breast feeding sections of the interwebz, since I honestly thought:

"How hard could it be?"  

I figured that Evelyn would come out hungry, and I would plug her in, and all would be golden.
I didn't realize that,
1. Babies have to LEARN how to latch on
2. I had to learn how to TEACH the baby how to latch on

3. It's hard to find a comfortable position to nurse (still is!)
4. I was going to have to nurse ALL THE FREAKING TIME! 

Really. She's hungry at least every two hours, and often less than that. Each session lasts about a half hour, often longer.
You do the math. :)

So we're starting to get the hang of things. I guess she's doing alright, since she put on 11oz in one week. I'm just waiting for my poor boobs to feel better (sorry...tmi, I know. But OW!). 

She's so sweet. She's relaxing a little bit...which I think has to do with the fact that I'm relaxing a bit. The first couple days I was really stressed out and overwhelmed and frankly, exhausted. But now I'm starting to get used to this whole motherhood business and I'm really enjoying it! My little girl is SO darn cute and I'm just in love with her. :) 

She's stirring now.
Time to feed the little munchkin and watch my show - I find it helps distract me a bit so I can relax and let her eat as long as she needs to.
I'm learning, okay? :)

The Day I Became a Dairy Farmer

This is it.
THE POST. The one I've anticipated writing for a long time...and here I am! And it will take a lot longer to write due to only having one arm to type with.
I didn't lose an arm...I had a baby. :)

Caution: if you are not into birth stories or things like cervixes, this might be a bit TMI. ;)

Wednesday night, July 31st, I had a long night of false labor. Contractions came pretty regularly, but due to having a few false alarms in the past, I had told Andrew I wouldn't go to the hospital until I was screaming (haha)...and sure enough, come morning the contractions drifted apart and I was left just being tired. 

But the contractions didn't disappear...and I noticed on Thursday that they were still coming frequently, about every 15 minutes or so, and with a bit more intensity than in the past. 

I was skeptical...my body was not very trust-worthy or punctual. I had resigned myself to an induction the following Tuesday. 

Thursday night, August 1st, I attempted to sleep, only to be awakened every 7 minutes by very uncomfortable contractions. 

I wasn't screaming yet...but we decided to go to the hospital around 2 am. 

Now, I had been to the hospital before with labor pains...so I knew the drill. You go into triage and they check your cervix and strap these monitors to your belly...and this is where I need to stop for a moment to let off some steam. 

I DESPISE those strappy monitors. HATE them. They are itchy, they add more pressure, they beep constantly and tell you when a contraction is coming...which, HELLO, I already know, and I could tell you exactly when they happen and for how long and also how uncomfortable they are, if you're wondering! But those nurses, bless them...are very insistent on keeping those things attached.
(And yes, I understand why. But that doesn't change my huge dislike for strappy monitors. One of the worst parts of the hospital experience, if you ask me.) 

*breathe*

Okay. Back to the story.
Turns out I was still only at 1 cm dilated, although I was 90% effaced...which according to the nurse, was pretty unusual. We found out why later...but I'll tell you more on that in a bit.
It's pretty discouraging to have lost two nights of sleep due to contractions and then find out you're only 1 cm dilated...I was definitely hoping for a bit more! After a good cry, I walked around the hospital (with my amazing husband and mother... more on them later.) for a bit before the nurse checked me again...with the same results. 

She said they could do a few different things...they could check me in and give me morphine (!) to help me sleep through the night until the contractions got more intense, or they could give me an Ambien, which would hopefully help me relax and sleep till morning.
To their surprise, I wanted to go home and labor there for a while. I don't really love hospitals, and if I'm going to be uncomfortable, I want to be uncomfortable at home! Makes sense, right? So I took the Ambien (didn't really work), went home, and spent the next 8 hours on our bed, watching movies (The Tourist, and The Time Traveler's Wife), and breathing through some pretty unpleasant contractions. 

Fast forward to 2pm, Friday, August 2nd. 

Mom had come over Friday mid-morning. After a round of particularly painful contractions, I remember her saying around 2pm, "Okay, I think it's time to go back in."
I didn't want to, as I was sure my body was just being a bun...I just knew they would send me back home after saying, "Hey, nice to see you again! Awesome braxton hicks you're having there. See you Tuesday for the induction." 

Honestly, even later, when I was in the middle of very active labor, I still wondered if it was fake. :D

We checked back in, and I felt absolutely deflated when they told me I was still at 1 cm. At this point, I was having contractions that made me cry out, and at one point, drop to all fours on the bathroom floor. How on earth could I only be 1 cm? They had me wait about an hour, and I remember listening to the cries of the girl next door to me, who was also obviously in pain. She spoke a different language, but between contractions, I wanted to hug her and tell her, "It's okay. We're going to make it through this! We're stronger than we think we are!"

The nurse checked me again an hour later, and oh, the overwhelming relief that flooded over me when she said, 

"You're about...4 to 5 cm!" 

I burst into tears and cried, "Thank You Lord!"

Progress is a beautiful thing. :)

They loaded me up and checked me into the room where I would have my little girl. 

At 7:30, I met two of the kindest, sweetest nurses one could ever ask for: Angel and Lindsey. They came in with smiles on their faces and took the time to explain every thing clearly. They made sure we were all as comfortable as we could be, and they encouraged me through my difficult contractions. I'll never forget the kindness and support those two women displayed that night!

At one point, Angel spent about 45 minutes on her knees (!!!), monitoring the baby's heart beat by hand so that they wouldn't have to strap on the monitor, which she knew was uncomfortable for me. 

This would be a good time to brag about my mom and my husband. My mom was unbelievably strong...she coached me through every contraction and helped me be strong when I thought I couldn't do it any more. The nurses thought she was a trained doula! Someday I hope to do for Evelyn what she did for me. 

Andrew was quiet, as he usually is, but he stayed with me the entire time, rubbing my back, whispering "Good job, Bri," and holding my hand. I have this one picture in my mind...towards the end, when contractions were very close and very difficult, he would kneel down on the hard floor so I could lean on him through the waves. Tears...

I really don't think I could've done it without them. 

Around 11pm, I was 8 cm, so they called the doctor in. None of the doctors in the office I went to were available, so I had never met this man before...Dr. Gregory VanWienen. He put all my fears to rest. He was kind and soft spoken and I felt perfectly comfortable with him. 

One thing I have to say about St. Mary's is that EVERYONE read my birth plan. Everyone - the doctors, the nurses...everyone. I felt very respected. 

4 very difficult hours later...

I was still at 9 cm. And I was pushy. Not I-want-this-over kind of pushy (although that was true as well), but the kind of pushy when your body decides it's time for the baby to come out and starts pushing during contractions. This was honestly the worst part of the labor. My body wanted to push, but I couldn't - pushing would cause damage.  

Dr. VanWeinen explained that Baby was stuck in a sortof crooked position, which is why I wasn't progressing as fast as I wanted. He said that the only way to progress would be to labor on my hands and knees on the bed...but I wouldn't be able to push, no matter how much I wanted to. 

It was 3 am.

I was so tired. I hadn't slept in three nights and I could barely see straight, much less consider the thought of fighting the urge to push. Moving any way to any position seemed impossible to me. All I could think of was the next wave of contractions and how to get through them. 

I knew I wouldn't be able to move to my hands and knees and not push. I wasn't strong enough at that point.
I asked the doctor if there were any other options.
He hesitated...and later I realized he was thinking of that part in my birth plan that said very clearly, "Please do not offer me an epidural."

My mom actually brought it up:

"What about an epidural?"

Dr. VanWeinen explained that an epidural would take away the desire to push, and then they could rotate ME from side to side to get the baby to fall into position.
I heard Andrew, who had been quiet for quite a while, say "Yes." 

So I got an epidural...and smiled probably for the first time in 24 hours. I remember saying to the nurses, "You guys are so nice!" lol 

The epidural, despite my prior objections to it, was amazing. Within seconds I felt the pain ebb away and I could actually relax! I fell asleep for a while on my side and we just let the contractions do their job. The nurses rotated me from side to side for the next couple hours. 

I remember the doctor checking me hours later and saying, "This is amazing. She is in position and ready to go." 

Dr. VanWeinen's shift ended at 7 am, so my delivering doctor was Dr. Stanford, a genuinely funny and kind lady. I started pushing around 9 am, which I didn't mind at all! The epidural was still in effect, so there wasn't much pain...just a lot of hard work and concentration. I wanted that kid OUT!
Andrew's plan was to not look (lol), but he got the job of holding one of my legs as I pushed, and the curiosity got to him. He saw more than I did! haha :) Later he said, "Some guys might not be able to handle it, but I'm glad I did." 

Good guy. :)

At 11:06 am, with one big push, my little girl came into the world. The first thing I noticed (through the happy tears) was her amazing head of dark hair! She cried a bit and then settled right down when they set her on my chest. She opened her eyes within minutes and looked around...such an alert little girl! 

I was absolutely exhausted...but that moment when I held my baby was surreal. I was so happy, I didn't even care about the long hours of labor beforehand. I'd have done it again. Truly. 

Evelyn Marie. 7 lbs, 14 oz. 21 inches long. My precious little girl. 

Right now she's sleeping next to me on the bed, her face sort of scrunched up on my leg.
She's been eating NON STOP, which is actually a blessing, as she lost about 9 oz after being born.
One thing I've learned this week is that mothers worry about EVERYTHING. But at least I don't have to worry about her getting enough milk now. She's put back on 7 ounces. Thus the dairy farmer title...

Well. That's long enough. I've got many more stories about this past week, but I'll save them for another day. I'm gonna go cuddle with my sweetie. :)

(One hour old)

(Mommy and Baby)

Sweet girl :)

  

Chocolate-Covered Almonds and Watermelon

^The two things I've eaten most recently. Quite delicious (and I didn't have a name for this post. So it worked out).

This morning I dragged myself out of bed at 7:30 to go to a NST (Non-Stress Test) at St. Mary's Hospital. Baby is active and healthy...which I could've told them without having been strapped to a bed for  40 minutes, considering the fact that Baby is dedicated to kicking me with chutzpah whenever possible. She's active? No kidding!

I'm actually okay with her kicking me. I just wish she'd come out and do it from the outside. Like, seriously Baby...at least be willing to assault me to my FACE. 0_o

Nothing really interesting is happening, so I'm not sure why I'm even writing a blog.
I'm just watching So You Think You Can Dance, doing laundry, and washing the dishes...which sounds impressive, until you consider that I have a laundry machine AND dish washing machine doing the work for me. *wink wink*

That's all, folks! Happy Wednesday. :)

Marinating and acceptance

The month of July this year was a like a bad movie. It started off well...then got worse and worse...and I kept hoping it would get better and end soon...
And now there's only two days left and all I can think is "I want my money back!"

The flood of emotions one feels in their last weeks of pregnancy is incredible!
Let me give you something to compare it to...remember being a teenager? Remember how your mood could change drastically within minutes?
Yeah. It's like that. One minute I'm crying, the next minute, I'm laughing...I'm morose and pensive on my way to the car, and by the time I sit down, I'm noticing how wonderful the weather is and how blessed I am.
But I have to say...since my "second" due date last Saturday, things have started to calm down a bit.
Oh, I still have moments when I want to shout "WHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY!!!????" at the sky,  but mostly I'm noticing a mellowing in my mind.
Here's the truth: some babies take longer. 

THIS baby is taking longer.
For whatever reason, my little girl needs more time marinating before she's ready to pop out - and thankfully, there is a good deal of evidence that babies born later rather than earlier are calmer, more likely to sleep through the night, and even might be smarter! ;)
Not that my baby could ever get smarter...she's perfect. Andrew will tell you - she doesn't even poop.

But my fears about going overdue are starting to dissipate now. There WILL be back-up for me as the pianist for my brother-in-law's wedding. I WILL have enough time to bond with my baby before school starts. I WILL be able to enjoy the rest of the summer.
And we have an adorable little house to bring our little girl home to! What a huge blessing that is. I'm very grateful.

So even though I can't say I love being overdue...I'm starting to experience the peace that comes with acceptance. It's really okay. These things happen. And I'll survive, and Andrew will survive...and everyone waiting for the news will survive...

And someday "that blog post" will be written. ;)

Going, going...gon- oh. Nope, still here.

Well, yesterday morning I took castor oil in a last ditch effort to kick start labor.
I cleaned the house and went for a couple walks, and around 2:30 I noticed that I was getting regular contractions. I timed them and they were coming about 3 min apart and lasted 30-45 seconds. I called my doctor's office after about an hour and they said I should go to labor and delivery to get checked out.
I waited until Andrew got home, we packed up our stuff, and took off to the hospital.
I left all the bags and such inside the car, since I wasn't optimistic about our chances of staying - my contractions were regular, but not very painful, and I could easily speak and walk through them.
Sure enough, I was only dilated to 1 cm, and stayed that way after another hour of contractions.
So home we went.
After 7 hours of contractions (some of which were pretty powerful and very uncomfortable!), I went to bed and fell asleep almost immediately (Andrew said I was snoring within two minutes, lol).
This morning I woke up with nothing.

One of these days I will write a blog about my birth story...just not today, evidently.

I can't face people at this point. I can't even walk through a grocery store without someone saying "Oh, you look ready to pop!". I feel like I am disappointing my friends and family by not having this kid NOW...although I know that everyone is completely supportive of me and wouldn't want me to feel that way.
It's just that the waiting is wearing away at me!
It's hard not to get impatient with God, too...I've asked and begged Him to let our baby come for weeks now, and many times I've thought, "how hard would it be for God to let me go into labor? He could do that with the snap of his fingers. So why isn't He?"
But who am I to question God's timing? I know that He hold the universe in his hand and knows the timing of all events, large and small. He's got it handled and I have to just let go and trust Him. When it's time, it's time.
He's been so good to us, and I know He will provide.

Today I'm just going to keep on going. That's all I can do.

Midnight Adventures with Kitty

Last night was Kitty's first night out in the new neighborhood.
She's ventured out a few times during the day,  but not at night...until she snuck out last night while Andrew was taking something outside.
So we let her be.

Around midnight last night I heard a cat hiss and holler outside my window, so I woke up Andrew and we went out with a flashlight to see what trouble our little girl had gotten her self into.
Andrew found Kitty...in a tree, with the neighbor cat at the bottom, looking up.
In a tree!

So I grabbed a step stool, and Andrew attempted to get Kitty down...at which point the little stinker batted at his hands and climbed up higher!

Andrew growled, "Well, stay in the tree then!" and stalked back inside, considerably more grumpy than he had been earlier.

Kitty licked her paw, to show she didn't care.

As I looked up at Kitty, with her twitching tail and demurely raised paw, our eyes met -- and a certain feline understanding was conveyed to me...

She didn't want to come down. She felt powerful up there. Go back to bed, you're ruining the game. 

Well, then.
Thus went Kitty's first night out. Somehow she managed to get out of that tree last night...and no wonder! I've never seen a cat skeleton in a tree.

So entirely productive today!!!! Sort of...

Today I:
- did a load of laundry
- Sanded, painted, and hung up a new mirror in our living room
- made red-skin potato salad, corn on the cob, and grilled chicken for dinner
- sanded the rest of that rocking chair for Baby's room
- picked up a desk at a thrift store for Andrew's computer
- Organized the laundry room
- Read a book
- vacuumed the floors

And it's only 2:30!

...And it's all a lie!
Does thinking about being productive sort of count towards being productive?
If I make Andrew do all the above things when he gets home, do I still get some credit?

OR, if I write a weblog about all the things my brain thought about doing today, does that count?